The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and effects.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are navigate here brought in to exceptionally hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .

When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, click resources an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that numerous of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in city locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay men want to find out from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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