The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the click to read rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that many of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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